My first song...

My first try at song-writing...I dunno how this is gonna come off...But I just thought I'd run through you guys to check out and comment...Please do comment.

And yes, the tune...The meter is fine, but I want someone to suggest a tune...

It's a rock kinda song, more bass and a bit of drums with a touch of percussions and rhythm guitar...just imagine them as you read the song... :D

The song is called Cold

now is the time

to cross the line

to find the place that u wanna be

so be prepared

to be paraded

by the bad things that keep u away

(chorus)

let's keep an eye on the things we cry (for)

and try to get what we've been denied

x2

this was the time

to take what's mine

to keep them all from stripping me

'tis but a crime

another rain

to leave this heart wailing for glee

chorusx2

that was the one that keeps me going

the one that makes me going on...

and then the dice that never rolled

calls me to you and keeps me cold....

this is my first song, so there might be little problems with the metre and rhyme, but please tell me how it was...!!

P.S.: Keep the abuse in the comments to a low, or atleast try to... :P :P